2023.05.31 -- Only 3 hours
• Chopin Barcarolle Section A finished learning + reinforcing exercise 10 times
• Schumann Kreisleriana No1-4 recorded + listened with markup
I have a long history with Chopin Barcarolle. Naturally, it brings up old memories when I pick it up this time, and subconsciously, it also brings up old muscle memories of learning this piece 9 years ago, but most unfortunately, I realise those muscle memories are not what I want! Correcting old muscle memories is a true nightmare for a pianist, because you have to erase the previous one completely before you can print the new one on your brain. At this very moment, you will realise the magic of human brain -- it's damn hard to forget about something you have already remembered deeply, regardless of you keeping telling your brain: THIS IS WRONG!!!
Let me tell you what is this feeling when you come to an actual performance. It's like you have been doing a math exercise. You did it wrong at the beginning and your teacher put the correct answer there for you. When the exam comes, you sit there looking at the paper, thinking "I remember this exercise! Surely I did it before! And I remember my wrong answer! And I just need to remember... wait ... what the hell is the right answer then?" Trust me, it will only be feeling much worse for a performer. When you are under the scrutiny of a hundred audience, very likely, your brain fails to think.
Gosh writing all these down makes me feel anxious now. Okay tomorrow I am going to repeat the correct version of Barcarrole Section A 10 times again and see want happens. What? You ask me how did Kreisleriana go? Aha let's put it in this way: before I ran the first half through, I thought it should be a piece of cake for me; after I ran the first half through, I decided to go to sleep.
Why am I making life so difficult for myself?
Good night.
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